Story Time!

Ok, I have a quest... Since we're looking for Brian... I have a photo, I would like ALL of you to come up with a story (with Brian IN the story) using THIS photo.
Let's see how creative you can be. The winner will get a set of Monty Python Collectible cards!

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RSMBiggles: API (American Python Inquisitor) BOISE, ID Strange lights shone bright in the sky of the rural areas near the Bogus Basin Mountains outside of Boise yesterday evening, prompting a wide scale panic and a run on survival equipment and supplies. Major retailers in the area reported that items such as toliet paper and condoms were purchased in droves just after the first reports started appearing on KCOW radio and WYUK television just past 8 pm. “Normally we have a pretty good selection of one and two ply” Norm Candleater, regional manager of Sampson's Market, told reporters “Now we don't even have industrial grade TP anymore” he said with tears in his eyes. The lights started appearing some time after the Regional Home Brewing and Distilling competition got underway just past 7:30 pm, reports said. Local law enforcement began receiving the calls shortly thereafter.
“Normally in cases like this we chalk it up to folks just having too much of a good time” Sherrif John Gambolpuddy told this reporter, “They tend to get liquored up and see all types of things”. Law enforcement was baffled when they received over 200 calls within a half hour time-frame “Poor Jeanna our office gal, had a heck of a time” Gambolpuddy continues “Normally Tuesdays are kinda slow...its BBQ night at Maude's”. As more and more reports flooded regional government offices and news media, the panic spread, reports of strange feelings and experiencing intimate probes filled by common folks of the region and strange things happening to livestock. “I don't know why the sheep suddenly started wearing lipstick and boots” Abe Mackeral a local farmer told the authorities shortly after his wife reported strange bleatings from behind their barn, “All I know is I taint seen nothing like it before“ the flushed and heavily breathing Mackeral admitted obviously shaken by his experience.

The sightings prompted authorities to set up command stations along the main highway, as more and more people reported “A strange yellow craft, swooping unsuspecting motorists” One Boise native, who wished to remain anonymous stated “It was almost like one of those newfangled vibrators...all glistening and powerful as it repeatedly thrust past my windows shaking the bedroom fiercely” Mrs.Arthur Wynsledale of 35 Whooping Crane Dr continued, her robe slightly parted revealing a lace bustier and garter set “It was downright a religious experience I hope they come back”.
Local branches of the military were strangely quiet when asked about the reports. A spokeseman stated later that “ You didn't see anything, get out of my office and forget everything”.

Other reports include seeing a strange luminescent being descending from the craft, "He looked kinda lost" reported one eyewitness to authorities "Tall fellow wearing ragged clothing and one of them Yalmulke things, might have been a Kippa though.. never could tell the things apart." This figure reportedly asked people if any Romans were about "I said the closest were the Italians down at Anthony's" one Martha Lambert, a long time Boise resident confided refering to the local pizzeria. "He thanked me and went on his way" Who was this being? Was he indeed from the craft? More reports of this figure came in through the night, "He said his name was Brian" Arnold Heffengroper, who encountered the figure as he was closing up his shoe store on Main St. "Asked if he could purchase one shoe, the fella was wearing only one sandal... I told him to go home and sleep it off". Other sightings took on an almost religious fervor as claims of the second comming began to flood local authorities, claims that the messiah had return "It verges on the sacreligious" Cardinal Likesemyoung of the Boise Archdioscese when asked about these claims later retorted "He is no more the Messiah than I am" prompting a mass rush of Boise's leper community members to seek healing by the Cardinal, who secloistered himself in a broom closet yelling "Go away! Go away!" repeatedly till the crowd dispersed. This reporter is following this story and will inform readers of more about this mysterious stranger in later copy.

Gwen Dibley: PART ONE

Good Evening Ladies and Gentlemen,
and welcome to '' Jew's News ''.

On tonight's expedition, sorry, tonight's edition of the program we shall dismiss the evidence, I beg your pardon, discuss the significance of a severely delirious mad hatter , pardon, a seriously mysterious matter.

Last night, in a series of noise, um, city of Boise, Idaho an unjustified frying hot wreck, erm...unidentified flying object was spotted waving last goodbye, sorry, blazing through the sky by several of the local presidents,ahum, residents.

The object ingestion, subject digestion, sorry the object in question ( which turned out to be a standard V-486 w.318 aircraft) was later reported to have crashed at a nearby farm. One of our correspondants interviewed the provider updates, pardon, the enemy of the state, umm, the proprietor of the estate who released this statement

''I was havin' a quiet supper, nothin' fancy of course just, you know, supper, when all of a sudden, I hear this horrible noise comin' from the yard! So I get up ,cuz I was at the table y'know, eating my supper, nothin' fancy, just, you know and so I get up and look out the window, see we have these nice double hung sash ones that resist warping ,cracking, chipping or rotting and they're quite durable and weather resistant so it virtually eliminates the need to ever do maintenance on them so anyways, I looked out the window and I saw this huge burning thing right there in my yard see we have these huge tracks of land but anyways, there was this burning thing right there on my g**damn lawn, so i says ,I says ''Eileen!!! Come and see this ,there's this thing, burning in the yard!!' and so Eileen, that's my wife see, her name is Eileen. So she gets up and starts moving towards our nice double hung sash window and see, she had to get up cuz she was havin' supper, nothing fancy you know, just...So anywho, she comes to the window and sees this thing and she says ''look! there's a man coming out of it!'' and so I look out our nice double hung sash window and I swear on my mamma's head, god bless her may she rest in peace whilst maggots and vermin tear away at her remains, as Gawd is my witness, I say this to you in all honesty, there was a man coming out of the burning airvehicle! And so this man starts running towards our house and he's wearing these raggedy clothes and quite a bit of him is still on fire and so he starts running towards our house, so I says to Eileen, I turn around and - see she was right besides me at the window- so I turn around and I says '' Eileen! call the Po-lice!'' and see we have a nice ivory touch-tone single-line telephone with the big buttons for easy access and so she presses the numbers that lead to a conversation with authority representatives and she says ''officer we have a problem'' and she starts explaining to the officer that we have a problem, but see, at this point, I was still looking out the window and I could see that the odd fella was right there on our doorstep and there wasn't a damned thing I could do 'bout it, ivory telephone or not. So this fella, he's screaming his head off things like ''Im on fire'', ''the pain is unbearable'', ''please do something'' you know, those kind of things and I keep thinking at this time of night, he'll wake up the neighbors! you know, we have those nice middle-class-god-fearing-meat-eating-children-breeding ones, and I don't wanna wake 'em up! So I pick up a bucket nice blue steel rimmed with the heating handle and the double bottom, and so I fill it up with water and walk to the door. see we have this nice pine door with silver hinges and the big W4.33 doorknob. so I start walkin' towards the door and proceed to open it. the I throw the water at the fella, you know, so he'd shut up!So this man finally stops his g**damn vociferations and hold out his hand and says ''thank you''. Then he sits on the porch and says ''My name is Brian, Brian Cohen'' and just as I was about to say '' You owe me for my lawn you son-of-a-jack@ss'' the police arrived...''

A very detailed prescription ,sorry, description of the events indeed. But who is Brian? And why is he in Boise? We interviewed the police officer who picked him up at George's farm. This, is what he had to say:

''He said his name was Brian. Brian of Nazareth. He said he was crucified but survived thanks to a high pitch whistle during the crucifixion, similar to alpha waves causing his brain to aliveate the symptoms of pain until nightfall, when he managed to escaped. Then he has travelled the world for thousands of years, in search of his father a certain Nortius Maximus, retired centurion. After hearing his story, we obviously charged him with heresy and blasphemy and threw him in the drunk tank for the night. We released him the next day, and haven't heard from him since.''

A dedicated story, from an uneducated man.
The Search for Brian continues, we will have more tomorrow on Jew's News.

Good evening ladies and Gentlemen, My name is Jones Leech, And this a special edition of
Jew's News. Tonight we have an exclusive interview with Brian Cohen, live from our studio. As you all know,since the beginning of the year 2008 Mr Cohen has been sighted repeatedly, a redundant recurance spotted frequently, incessantly one might say, all over the world, appearing in the most insignificant places as well as in historical events. But who is the real Brian Cohen?What's the substance of his existence, the reality of his being, the essence of his presence? We at Jew's News want you to find out...
So, without further ado, please welcome the one and only, Brian Cohen!!
(Thunderous applause, 70's talk show music comes on, then Brian walks to a lighted stage where a tall man with a big mustache greets him with a firm handshake)

JL: ''Good evening Mr.Cohen, nice of you to join us''
BC: ''Thank you Mr.Leech.''
JL; 'Mr.Cohen, as I understand, you were born and raised in Nazareth, is this correct?''
BC ''Yes, Jones that is correct i was born 2008 years ago, in nazareth. And please call me Brian.''
JL ''Thank you Brian. Now tell us a little bit about your life back then, what was it like?''
BC ''Well apart from the crucifixions,i'd say it was bearable. But then, I never knew my father.''
JL ''Could this be why you seem to surround yourself with powerful male figures? I mean, you have been sighted with numerous men of influence, notably Presidents Kennedy, Reagan, Roosevelt, and Bush, among others, not to mention an impressive array of movie stars. Could this be a desperate cry for fatherly love?''
BC '' Huh. I guess I never thought of it that way...''
JC ''Let's talk about the incident, 2 days ago in Boise. First of all, where did you get that spaceship?''
BC ''Well, see Jones, this is how I managed to survive during all those years. I've been the victim of multiple alien abductions who cryongenically froze me for periods of time, allowing me back on earth every couple of centuries and then capturing me again for further experiments''
JC ''Ahum, yes.. little scratch on your credibility there Brian''
BC ''what?''
JC'' Nothing...nothing...Why would so called 'aliens' want to abduct you?''
BC '' Ha! (copyright to GNA) well..Story of my life, Jones , story of my life..''
JC ''which means..?''
BC ''They think I'm the messiah!''
JC '' I see...But why allowing you to come back to earth every now and then ? ''
BC '' well, they let me come down for important events, when they felt that a messiah might be needed. But this year is different, see I escaped, I stole the spaceship, which is quite difficult to drive and so I managed to crash it and now I'm here.''
JC '' Interesting.But if you escaped, why so many appearances? why not hide?''
BC ''Because I want to be in the public eye! Celebrities are the only ones that are truely safe! How could I go missing if no one knows who I am?''
JC ''Fascinating. truely fascinating.But who will protect you from the aliens if they do find you?''
BC '' Well, I am currently under the protection of the most powerful army in the world, the Python Army. A small but noble group who are planning to rule the world in a very silly manner. ''
JC ''I see. And where can one join this '' python army''? Is it possible to enlist ?
BC ''Recruits are always needed. We need to post as many sighting of me to keep me in the public eye. If you are dedicated and have a beautiful plummeage, you can enroll at ''
''I'm a strange person''