Jokes

Hey I've got an idea...I'm pretty down at the moment, and I know that many people is. So I thought, why not just tell each other some funny jokes or something? :) Then maybe we can make some people a bit happier, or just more happy... So what do you think? :D
I myself finds this pic funny...but it's the wrong time on the year, but who cares XD

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arkennedy: I found this image when I typed "monty python "in an image search (can't remember which one though).

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No spam please. Graham doesn't like spam.

MontyPython93 at 2:02 am June 16

So cute

Hanri: Not me but a friend.

With the caption: "Why real men shouldn't have action figures."

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Please be gentle with me, I come to pieces, literally!

MontyPython93 at 2:02 am June 16

omg, I first thought it was real XD *stupid*

arkennedy: The address is on the pic itself.

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MontyPython93 at 11:01 am June 13

So cute XD Or something...

arkennedy: ...I'm posting the link here because I think it belongs in this blog.

Here's the link:

http://www.cartoonstock.com/directory/j/john_cleese.asp

Enjoy.

Edit:
Try typing Michael Palin or Monty Python in the search if you go to the Cartoonstock site.

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No spam please. Graham doesn't like spam.

Timmy: *****
Right, let's have a ding dong!

pjev93 at 7:20 am June 14

Haha! I love that one=D

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No time Toulouse!

MontyPython93 at 11:22 am June 12

lol XD

Timmy: While we're on the topic of off-season, here's a scientific analysis of Santa Claus:

1. No known species of reindeer can fly. BUT there are 300,000 species of living organisms yet to be classified, and while most of these are insects and germs, this does not COMPLETELY rule out flying reindeer which only Santa has ever seen.

2. There are 2 billion children (persons under 18) in the world. BUT since Santa doesn't (appear) to handle the Muslim, Hindu, Jewish and Buddhist children, that reduces the workload to to 15% of the total - 378 million according to Population Reference Bureau. At an average (census) rate of 3.5 children per household, that's 91.8 million homes. One presumes there's at least one good child in each.

3. Santa has 31 hours of Christmas to work with, thanks to the different time zones and the rotation of the earth, assuming he travels east to west (which seemes logical). This works out to 822.6 visits per second. This is to say that for each Christian household with good children, Santa has 1/1000th of a second to park, hop out of the sleigh, jump down the chimney, fill the stockings, distribute the remaining presents under the tree, eat whatever snacks have been left, get back up the chimney, get back into the sleigh and move on to the next house. Assuming that each of these 91.8 million stops are evenly distributed around the earth (which, of course, we know to be false but for the purposes of our calculations we will accept), we are now talking about .78 miles per household, a total trip of 75-1/2 million miles, not counting stops to do what most of us must do at least once every 31 hours, plus feeding and etc.

This means that Santa's sleigh is moving at 650 miles per second, 3,000 times the speed of sound. For purposes of comparison, the fastest man-made vehicle on earth, the Ulysses space probe, moves at a pokey 27.4 miles per second - a conventional reindeer can run, tops, 15 miles per hour.

4. The payload on the sleigh adds another interesting element. Assuming that each child gets nothing more than a medium-sized lego set (2 pounds), the sleigh is carrying 321,300 tons, not counting Santa, who is invariably described as overweight. On land, conventional reindeer can pull no more than 300 pounds. Even granting that "flying reindeer" (see point #1) could pull TEN TIMES the normal anount, we cannot do the job with eight, or even nine. We need 214,200 reindeer. This increases the payload - not even counting the weight of the sleigh - to 353,430 tons. Again, for comparison - this is four times the weight of the Queen Elizabeth.

5. 353,000 tons travelling at 650 miles per second creates enormous air resistance - this will heat the reindeer up in the same fashion as spacecrafts re-entering the earth's atmosphere. The lead pair of reindeer will absorb 14.3 QUINTILLION joules of energy. Per second. Each. In short, they will burst into flame almost instantaneously, exposing the reindeer behind them, and create deafening sonic booms in their wake. The entire reindeer team will be vaporized within 4.26 thousandths of a second. Santa, meanwhile, will be subjected to centrifugal forces 17,500.06 times greater than gravity. A 250-pound Santa (which seems ludicrously slim) would be pinned to the back of his sleigh by 4,315,015 pounds of force.

In conclusion - If Santa ever DID deliver presents on Christmas Eve, he's dead now.

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Right, let's have a ding dong!

MontyPython93 at 11:21 am June 12

Hilarious XDXDXD

BroMaynardG: Period. Sorry, Ex Point!

Myanmar!

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MontyPython93 at 11:20 am June 12

Will you be so kind? :D

BroMaynardG at 5:04 pm June 12

Knock, Knock!

MontyPython93 at 4:27 am June 14

Who's there?

BroMaynardG at 6:26 am June 14

Myanmar!

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MontyPython93 at 2:03 am June 16
BroMaynardG at 3:07 am June 16

Knock, Knock ! (#2 of 3)
Go Away Spammers | We Have All The Spam We Can Eat | Don’t Try Selling Us Any Goat-Hair Beards

MontyPython93 at 11:17 am June 20

XD

BroMaynardG at 11:59 am June 20

Myanmar!

Go Away Spammers | We Have All The Spam We Can Eat | Don’t Try Selling Us Any Goat-Hair Beards

MontyPython93 at 5:12 am June 21

:P

BroMaynardG at 8:34 pm June 21

Knock Knock!

Cargo!

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MontyPython93 at 2:48 pm June 23

XDXD

BroMaynardG at 3:45 pm June 23

Myanmar!

Go Away Spammers | We Have All The Spam We Can Eat | Don’t Try Selling Us Any Goat-Hair Beards

MontyPython93 at 2:15 am June 24

This can be interesting...xD

BroMaynardG at 3:02 am June 24

- - - and run over all the Ether Bunnies!

Myanmar!

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MontyPython93 at 1:28 am June 30

Weird xD Haha

Jatta: these are sick and twisted, and they make me laugh!
Thanks! :)

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Anything goes...

pythongeek03: *********************
Oh Your No Fun Anymore

MontyPython93 at 9:49 am June 06

Poor snowmen... :( XD

arkennedy at 9:55 am June 04

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BroMaynardG at 7:52 pm June 09

I found no video for the "Prehysterical Hare"; vintage Bugs Bunny with 'uge pointy teeth!

Beam ME Up!

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Jatta at 10:27 am June 04

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Anything goes...

BroMaynardG at 7:19 pm June 09

As my daughter (now 18) was growing up, I did horrible things to her. Like teaching her to "Swim Like A Rock". So, that she would brag that she could "Swim Like a Rock".

She could do her A-B-C's backwards, too. She's simply turn around to unface her audience.

The one that I have not YET been forgiven for involves Math. I taught her that if anyone ever tried to teach her that PI R square, to tell them your daddy says "pie are round".

3.1415926535897932384626433832795…!

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BroMaynardG at 5:42 am June 16

Luckily, he learned to "Duck and Cover" in Grammer School.

The Sit - Daughter is going to the beach (coast).

Mom gave her the money for the trip to "Rhode Island".

I told her not to come back looking like a "Chicken".

Wut?

A Rhode Island Red!

Then, I Ran! (I ran so far away).

Sunburn!

Go Away Spammers | We Have All The Spam We Can Eat | Don’t Try Selling Us Any Goat-Hair Beards