FULL VERSION: The Epic Monty Python fanfic Part V

Woopie! Another chapter in the saga is complete! And be prepared for an upset.

Created by: Mrs A.T Hun
Material by: Mrs A.T Hun, mrsCutout, Tanya_Birklid19
Re-edited by: Mrs A.T Hun

Rating (To inform the minor audiences): I think its an R, because of the strong violence, mild gore, suggestive dialogue and plenty of fancy, but slightly explicit language, which some may find offensive.

PART V. Late August 1969. BBC studios, London.

“Right now guys, positions please,” Announced the plucky director John Howard Davies, “Mouse Problem Documentary, Take 3: Stand by… and ACTION!”

It has been just over a month now, since the Python’s action-packed adventure on planet Rekon. Life back on Earth for them seems to be going along fine. Nothing extraordinary, exciting, or life changing has happened since they arrived back. And as foretold, as soon as their feet hit Jonesy’s carpeted floor in his dining room, time began to work again. It was like nothing had happened… at all! Mysteriously, their beastly characteristics, such as Gil and Mike’s tattoo-like markings on there skin, and Graham’s angelic wings, did vanish. Even Eric’s magical staff/spear etc and Gil’s scroll had gone. Yes, all their supernatural powers had disappeared. They kept to Ron’s word and never told anyone about their ‘other’ identities. Not even their families. They couldn’t. They simply couldn’t. They were currently filming their very first episode (which is to be episode 2) of their new show, 'Monty Python’s Flying Circus', in front of a live audience, and the sketch they were recording was the Mouse Problem documentary, written by John and Graham.

“Well it's not a question of wanting to be a mouse... it just sort of happens to you.” John’s character began, very slowly and painfully.

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At the dressing room, Eric was changing back into his casual jeans and floral shirt since he wasn’t needed in this sketch. Then Gil entered.

“Hey Eric, can I talk to ya for a sec?”

“Sure Terry, what’s up?”

Gil brushed past him and sat on the comfy green sofa in the corner, resting his head against the wall.

“Well, I’ve been thinking. It’s been over a month now, hasn’t it? Since you-know-what,” He said, staring at the ceiling. “I can’t stop thinking about it.”

“Careful what you say Gil. For all we know, anyone could be listening into our conversation.”

Gil rolled his eyes in aggravation, “Stop being so paranoid, Idle.”

“But this is a serious matter! I’m not letting anyone find out, no matter what. You know full well what will happen.”

“Eric. Did Ron really mean what he said? About not mentioning anything to anyone? Or is this just some big set up?”

“Who knows? But I’m not willing to take that risk. For the sake of the entire world.”

“Oh give over!" Gil grumbled, "That stupid pervert is probably having a right good old laugh back on Rekon. He can’t fool me. Who does he think he is?!”

“Hey hey, what’s gotten into you, Tel? The doc may be some crazy old perv, but if it wasn’t for him, we would be stuck as Zaius’ beastly slaves for eternity! Why don’t you trust him?”

“But Eric--”

“Hey fellas!” Gil was interupted by a familiar voice. The lovely Carol Cleveland had stepped in still dressed in her sparkly outfit, which she had worn for her short role as ‘Janet’ (as in ‘The Amazing Kargol and Janet’).

“Oh hey Carol.” Gil and Eric replied, very unenthusiastically.

“We still on for our first episode celebratory meal tonight?”

“Yeah, sure thing.” Eric muttered.

Carol sighed. “Is something the matter? You two seem quite down, especially you Terry.”

“No, it’s nothing much.” Gil replied.

Carol rolled her eyes. “C’mon guys. Why won’t you tell me?”

Eric fixed Gil with a deadly glare. Gil panicked a little.

“Er, oh, erm, well…” he stuttered, getting increasingly nervous.

“Terry, look. You can trust me.” Carol reassured him.

“It’s not that I don’t, it’s just…”

“Well spit it out then!”

“I… I…”

“Personal problems,” Eric stepped in, rather tentatively, “Yeah, he’s having m-m-manly problems. We’re just having a usual male-to-male conversation that’s all. Nothing to worry about.”

Carol frowned. “I know that’s not it. I can tell your lying.”

Gil shook anxiously. Eric gulped hard and also started to panic.

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“Perhaps we need to know more of these mice men before we can really judge them. Perhaps not. Anyway, our thirty minutes are up.” Mike’s linkman character hears the sound of a sheep baa-ing. He looked in the air, with a surprised look, then he pulled out a gun and fired it in the air. A toy sheep plummets to the floor. “Goodnight.”

“Aaaand, cut! That’s a wrap!”

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As soon as they heard this, Jonesy, Mike, Gray and John made their way into the dressing room to get changed.

"I'd say that went well," Gray said as they came in. They then noticed the looks on Gil and Eric's faces.

"What's going on here?" Jonesy asked.

Both hesitated to answer, but Carol spoke up.

"Gil and Eric aren't telling me something," she said. "Something was up with these two and they aren't telling the truth."

The other Pythons also had the same down looks Terry and Eric had. Carol had a disappointed look on her face.

"Oh, not you guys, too," she said.

No one dared to tell Carol of what had happened a few months ago. Lord knows what will happen if they did. The Pythons, minus Carol, decided to quickly change the subject to the first episode celebratory supper. John was the first to speak,

“So, Moti Mahal’s tonight is it?” he asked beaming in unnatural confidence. (Yes, Moti Mahal does exist).

“I believe so.” Mike gave a very fake grin.

“Heck, I love Indian!” Gil shouted.

“Hey me too!” Eric agreed, with another one of them fake smiles.

It was blatantly obvious to Carol that they were making quite a useless attempt to sound like nothing had happened. She groaned to herself.

“God, is that the time? Need to book a table!” Jonesy lied and swiftly made his way out. Gray raised a brow in confusion.

“I thought you already--” Gray stopped a second as Jonesy looked back round to him with a slightly anxious look and shook his head nervously. “Never mind.”

Jonesy smiled in relief and quickly dashed out.

“I need to use the toilet,” Said the lumbering Eric as he also made a quick getaway, a glowing smile on his face.

“Oh! We still have not gotten changed out of these silly clothes yet.” John said, in a very deadpan way.

Graham briefly took hold of Carol’s arm and pointed to the door.

“Carol, would you mind stepping out a sec?” he began, “I don’t want you to go all faint at the sight of exposed male flesh as we change.”

Carol rolled her eyes and snorted. “Don’t worry, I’m going, I’m going.” She replied in quite an aggravated way, due to the Python’s secrecy and inability to tell her the real truth. She walked out and slammed the door hard, but not hard enough to cause any reaction from the restless Python boys.

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Still dressed in her sparkly outfit, Carol approached her dressing room door. She stopped just before she was about to turn the knob to open it. She sighed heavily and leant against the doorframe for support.

What could they possibly be hiding from me? She thought. Why won’t they tell me anything? Are they being threatened not to tell or something? She pulled her hand off of the doorknob. She stood in a sort of thinking pose in the corridor, finger to her lip, brow furrowing. I’m not trying to be interfering or anything. I’m just concerned. I want to help as best I can, but I need them to talk first. I need answers. And I’m going to get them. Tonight.

She confidently nodded to herself, placed her hand back onto the knob, turned it and stepped inside.

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Thousands of miles away, back at the Python dressing room,

"That was a close one," Graham said.

Then suddenly, there came a beeping sound. Beep-beep-beep-beep. It was a very faint beeping noise.

"Where's that coming from?" John inquired. The Pythons looked around the room. Jonesy came into the room saying, "Everyone's frozen again!" The Pythons then realized that Rekon was in danger! They found the watch; Ron's voice was heard.

"We're in terrible danger! There's a one eyed, one horned, flying purple people eater destroying the city! You must come at once!"

A vortex opened in the ceiling and the Pythons were sucked through the tunnel of psychedelic wonder. They landed on the plains outside of the city. To their surprise there was no purple people eater and there were no townsfolk running around screaming like chickens with their heads cut off. All was peace and quiet.

"Say, what the hell is going on?" Mike asked.

"Oh... er... nothing really," a voice said behind them. They turned around to see Ron in a black suit jacket and white shirt with a tie and a hot pink poka-dotted skirt.

"What d’ya have to go and do this for?!" Eric yelled at him.

"Don't shout, child," Ron replied. "It was just a test."

"But. . . what about the one eyed, one horned, flying purple people eater?" Gilliam asked.

"Oh, you liked that? Hahaha," Ron laughed.

John got furious. "YOU THINK YOU CAN JUST CONTACT US AND TELL US THERE'S SOME FUCKING MONSTER TEARING UP THE CITY AND NOW TELL US THERE ISN'T ONE?! WE HAVE SOMETHING VERY IMPORTANT DOWN ON EARTH AND YOU JUST HAD TO--"

"Calm down, boy," Ron snapped back. Then his face took on a look of dejection. "It's been so long, children. I just got lonely. Please forgive me."

John was going to blow up again when Michael held him back and shook his head. John relaxed and said, "We forgive you."

"Well, good!" Ron exclaimed in joy. "Now, let's bring your lady friend."

“Say wut?” Gil’s mouth hung open.

Eric let out a small yelp. “Oh hell no!” he swore, “We’ve spend most of the day trying NOT to tell her about our secret! This is the last place to bring an inquisitive human, especially a woman like her. What do ya wanna bring HER HERE FOR?!”

“She’s a very pretty girl.” Ron sniggered suggestively to himself. He then involuntarily made an obscene gesture with his hand. “Phhhhooooaaaarrrr, get ‘em when there young, eh, EH? I haven’t had it for MONTHS! PHOARHORHOR!”

The Pythons all looked at him, struck with traumatized faces, due to Ron’s rather vulgar comments. After a very drawn out silence, a tumbleweed rolled behind them, and at that moment, Ron swiftly withdrew his hand and whistled innocently.

“100% Pervert right there.” Gil whispered to Eric, gesturing at Ron.

“Aaaaaaanyway,” Ron said back in his usual upper class tone, acting like nothing had happened, “Whilst you’re all here, I’d like to--“

“Not interested!” John retorted, “I’m going back. I’m starving. Cya. Goodnight.” And with that, John pressed a button on his watch and vanished.

Ron reached for his jacket pocket and pulled out his trusty cocktail strainer device thing. He pushed a blue lever upwards on the device. It took maybe 4 seconds, probably less, before John arrived back again.

“What the-? Awww, I want my Tikka Masala!” John demanded.

“Ah…” Ron began evenly, “No can do hot shot. Besides, time’s still frozen.”

“Can’t you pleeeeeease start time again? Me hungry!”

Ron, now slightly angry by John’s persistence, said, “No, I cannot. Because there’s a problem.”

“There’s always a bloody problem, isn’t there?!” John sighed heavily.

Ron, despite feeling very irritated, replied calmly, “Yes, well usually you would be able to just go back right now, however, you can’t. Remember when Dr Zaius stopped time? The only way you could restart time again was to defeat him. When there is a fiend on the loose, Earth’s time will remain frozen until the monster is defeated.”

“Bugger.” John grumbled in defeat.

“As I was saying earlier-“ He paused as he was suddenly interrupted by a strange beeping noise coming from the device. He let out a tiny squeak in surprise, then laughed briefly at his cowardice. “Oh wait, Brandon’s calling me.” He brought the device to his ear. (Yes, the device had a built in phone inside. Ingenious huh?) “Hello… oh hang on… getting a bad signal…” He turned round and walked a couple of yards away to get a better reception. “Uh-huh, yup… that’s right they’re here… can I bring… Seriously? Oh brilliant… yep… sure thing… no, the red one… with the rubber… OK… what… you whisked it too hard, you idiot… haha, alright… Toodle Pip!” He switched to device off and swivelled back round to face the gang. “We’re going to Brandon’s house to try and pin-point our evil bandit with his radar system, because since our evil being isn’t on Deluras, he must be on a different island/country or else I would’ve been able to notice him.”

“Brandon’s house?” Mike asked.

“He’s on one of Deluras’ sister islands, known as Provender. Only way to get there is by ferry across the sea.”

“Well, what are we standing here like lemons for?” John declared, addressing the other Pythons, “Let’s get going, and sort this out so I can get my bloody curry!”

The Pythons nodded in agreement.

“This way then, children,” Ron made a waving gesture with his hand to follow him down the little gorge situated behind him. Ron then stopped the Pythons for a second as they began their descent. “One thing before we go… Can I please bring the girl?”

“NO!!” all the Pythons snapped at once.

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It took them around 20 minutes before they reached a security gate that they had to pass before they could access the ferry terminals. But there was a group of rustlers, cut throats, murderers, bounty hunters, desperados, mugs, pugs, thugs, nitwits, halfwits, dimwits, vipers, snipers, con men, Indian agents, Mexican bandits, muggers, buggerers, bushwhackers, hornswogglers, horse thieves, bull dykes, train robbers, bank robbers, ass-kickers, shit-kickers, and Methodists on horseback trying to get through. But there was another gate open and the Pythons and Ron were able to jump onto a ferry to take them to Provender. Unfortunately for John, the ferry had no on board shop where you could buy sweet little appetizers such as crisps, bagels, packets of ‘Opal Fruits’, peanuts, that sort of thing, so he was left with a growling stomach. The other Pythons however were not too bad, as far as hunger was concerned. They had engaged in deep conversation with Ron to counter any boredom on the journey, except for Gil who just lay on his back and daydreamed about pink seagulls eating hydrogenated plastic. When they reached the shore, Brandon was waiting for them with a big smile on his face.

"Ron!" he shouted with joy.

"Brandon!" Ron yelled back. They looked at each other and said together, "Dude." They did some complicated handshake then proceeded to Brandon's house, which looked like a dump on the outside, but on the inside it was a frickin’ mansion! The Pythons gazed in utter amazement as they walked through the doors of Brandon's house.

"Oh... my... God," they said in awe.

"How come you get a better house than me?" Ron asked, a little jealous.

"Well you know. Bloody acquaintances haha. I knew some people who pulled a few strings and well… Ahem… Now let's get down to business."

They went down a staircase and into a room, which looked like a WWII war room with a big map and radars and things. In the middle was a desk with 8 chairs around and another map with pawns on it. The Pythons sat but Ron, who still looked a bit jealous and frustrated, and Brandon were standing.

"Right. As you may already know we are in trouble. We‘re looking for a terrible beast that no man has seen and therefore we have no idea what it looks like. But we do know that it leaves only debris behind. It destroys everything and in order to vanquish this horrendous thing we need your precious help. So, are we agreed?" The Pythons looked at each other in an effort of quiet communication.

"Of course.” Answered John.

"Right,” Brandon said, “To begin with I must show you our position. We are here." he said and pointed to a spot on the map. I only have a clue of where that mighty beast could be. We can start from there. But first we must regain your powers. Supply yourselves with equipment and food and get going."

"Oh but first we must remind them how to use their powers. I mean we don't know how strong this fiend is. They must practise!" interrupted Ron.

John stood up from his chair frustratedly. “Of course we know how to use our powers, you numpty! How d’ya think we defeated Zaius?”

“That’s was pure luck my boy.” Ron said dryly.

“Luck my arse.”

“OK, time for your traaaaining!” Ron then began his rubbish singing, in a very Pet Shop Boys kinda voice. “No time for arguing, or bickering, or crying, or dying, it’s time for training! Training! Oh training! I love it! Training! Not trains, but training! Oh training! Wondrous training! Marvellous training! Splendid training! Training! TRAINING!”

Brandon then delivered the bad news. “No time for training. Got a signal.” to put it simply.

Ron groaned loudly, acting like a spoilt child. “Dammit, Brandon, I was just about to start my wondrous traaaaining!” He immediately went back to his awful singing, “Oh training, the marvel that is training! Amazing training! Excellent training! Training! TRAI--“ Jonesy cracked Ron with a mighty punch to the back of the head. “Duuuhhhhh…” he was knocked out and fell to the ground. The Pythons gave Jonesy a generous round of applause.

“It’s a knockout!” shouted one of them.

“Look everyone! Stop dawdling and get over here. The radar’s picked up something.”

All the Pythons rushed to the tracking machine were Brandon was seated and stood round him. They see a small green flashing light moving steadily upwards on the radar screen.

“We seem to have a potential bogey heading North West into Hidan forest. It’s of an unnatural size. About 18.9 metres tall, 40.1 metres long, according to the computer.”

“That’s our target. It has to be!” cried Eric.

“Most likely, yes. Nothing like this has ever appeared on Provender before.” He turned his chair round to see 6 lads staring at him strangely. “Well, you know what to do. Get a move on!”

“Huh?” They all said dimly.

“Are you deaf? I said go, go, go!” He quickly rose from his chair and motioned the Pythons to get a bloody move on.

“Where is Hidan forest?!” Graham asked, slightly frantic.

“There,” Brandon, with a mildly aggressive nature, tossed a rolled up map of Provender to Graham “Map. Go!” he said, trying to get the Pythons out as quickly as possible.

“Erm, what about the Doctor?” Mike inquired sheepishly.

“Forget about him, I’ll look after him. You guys go on ahead!” Brandon sighed tiredly, anger increasing.

Gil nervously replied, “But we need him to help us tra-“

“You do not need adult supervision all the time!” Brandon shouted, finally losing his patience. “Just go already, forget about the training and all that crap, you’ve got no time! HURRY THE HECK UP OUT OF MY HOUSE!”

“Adult supervision, you say?” Eric growled, now as completely pissed as Brandon, “BLOODY HELL! WE ARE ADULTS! WHY DO YOU TREAT US LIKE BABIES ALL THE TIME, EH?! ASSWIPE!!”

“Eric!” Graham roughly pulled on Eric’s shoulder, “Leave your temper tantrums till later and let’s just go and kick monster butt already!”

The other Pythons had taken the wise choice and were already 3 quarters of the way up the staircase.

“Flippin’ drama queen!” Brandon shook his fist at Eric.

Eric was about to let out another huge outburst when Gray heroically stepped in once again.

“Eric! Ignore him! Come on!”

“Yeah, I want my freakin’ curry!” John barked from the top of the staircase.

“Lemon curry?” Gil inquired standing next to him.

“Shut up.”

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Once all the Pythons had come out of the basement room, they now had the tedious task of finding the way out of Brandon’s huge mansion.

"I think it's this way," Jonesy said.

"No, it's this way," Gil proclaimed.

Doors opened and closed. Michael opened a door and a huge gust of wind came at him, knocking him against the wall. He struggled to close the door and succeeded. Gilliam found a room with a bunch of Bengal tigers in it. He being a tiger, he went in and cuddled with some of the cubs in there. (Awww :3)

John came up to the door and said, "You've got no time to spend with your loved ones, we gotta find a way out of here!"

Gil wanted to stay, but since this was an emergency he groaned and got up. Gray was the first to find the front door and shouted for everyone. They went out and realized that it wasn't the front door, but a door which lead to a rather large closet.

"Sorry, everyone," Gray apologized.

Everyone groaned. After maybe an hour they finally found the front door and stepped out. They looked to the map that Brandon had given them and were now in the search for Hidan forest.

"It's gotta be on this map somewhere," John said.

Mike looked around and noticed a bunch of trees on the east side of Brandon's mansion; there was a sign that read Hidan Forest.

"Found it," Mike said pointing eastward.

"Oh, well, c'mon then," John said and they headed off into the woods.

They headed northwest as they noticed the tops of the trees were broken off. But something was a little weird with this forest. There was something... different. The Pythons had the feeling someone, or something, was watching their every move. Eric could see out of the corner of his eye that something moved.

"Something's moving," he told the others.

The Pythons stopped dead in their tracks to see that a tree had moved a few feet.

"The trees are moving," Jonesy said, with fear creeping up in his voice.

"We better find that monster quick," Gray said and the Pythons quickly took off, but some invisible force knocked them over. When the Pythons rose to their feet, the creature appeared in front of them. It was The Jabberwocky!

"Oh noes!" shouted Eric. "What on earth is that? How are we suppose to defeat this thing?!"

"Now don’t panic! Let us all take a deep breath and think of our next move." said John calmly. "But HURRY UP for heaven's sake it's coming towards us!”

“Oh no, we're done for, WE"RE DONE FOR!" cried Jonesy,

John reached out and grabbed Jonesy's shoulder roughly.

"Hey Tel, relax! Don't panic. It hasn't seen us, because the trees are acting as our camouflage.”

Jonesy exhaled and said "But we gotta think of something quick, it's coming right at us! How can we all transform and use our powers?"

“No idea,” said Gil. "Maybe we could just confront the beast head on, and that might pump up adrenaline and possibly enhance our powers.”

"Your a bloody lunatic!" shouted John. "That's just stupid, we can't just let the beast know we are after it. It's gonna kill us. Can you propose anything better?”

”Well my dear John,” Gray added, “it might be the only solution, despite how stupid it may be. We have to move fast. Do you want that curry, or not?"

John rolled his eyes and nodded his head reluctantly. And so they decided to confront the beast unarmed and see what would happen. The Jabberwocky, with his sickly yellow eyes and grotesque face, spotted the Pythons and angrily waved its horrid head around screaming. It brought its gigantic claws out and lunged forward to eliminate these annoying people blocking its path.

“Shit. DODGE!”

The Pythons all leapt to the side barely missing The Jabberwocky’s sharp claws. The beast hit the grass and slid to a stop.

“Blllluuuurrrrgggghhhh!” The beast garbled, orange saliva dribbling down its chin.

“Some good idea that turned out to be Einstein!” John shouted to Gil, “You Yanks are all the bloody same.”

Gil struck John with a furious glare. “Hey! Don’t bring my nationality into this, you bastard!”

“Look OUT!” Eric yelled, as the beast yet again lunged at them.

Once again they all managed to dodge, that was, except for one of them.

“JOOOOOHN!” Mike shouted.

The Jabberwocky stopped in its tracks, turned back round and held up its left hand. To the Python’s dismay, it was holding a battered up John. The Jabberwocky shrieked loudly, more sticky saliva emerging from his mouth and splashing to the ground. Terry J leaped to his feet, and ran out towards the monster.

“GET THE HELL OFFA JOHNNY!”

Jonesy climbed up onto its tail and tried to punch, kick, and even bite it. The beast moved his tail round so he could now see Jonesy attacking him with all his force. The creature wailed in agony and waggled its tail round to try and shake off Jonesy, but it proved almost impossible due to Terry’s iron like grasp. It danced around and around frantically, waving its tail, breaking down more and more trees in the process.

“HheeEEeeEEeellLLppPP MmEEeeEEeeEEeeEE!!!” John shouted, still trapped inside the Jabberwocky’s huge hand.

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Meanwhile, a few yards away…

“C’mon, guys we’ve gotta help John and Tel!” Eric said worriedly.

“Eric, you do realise that you still don’t have your weapon back. Same goes for Gil.” Gray said.

Eric groaned. Gil scoffed, and said,

“Big deal! I’m still gonna fight, scroll or no scroll. Besides, I’ve still got some fire left in me.”

And with that, Gil jumped out from behind the trees and sped off towards the monster. Gray took a deep breath and he too followed along after Gil.

“B-but I don’t like fighting,” Mike whined.

“For God’s sake, don’t be such a softie, Palin,” Eric said sourly, “You’ve fought before anyway!”

“Yeah, but then I had these silly markings on my body, and was pumped up with adrenaline and stuff which must’ve triggered my harder side or something.”

“No excuse! You’re helping, and that’s that!”

Mike whimpered quietly, picking off some tree bark with his finger. “As much as I want to help, I just…” He sighed, “We’re just gonna make the monster more and more angry if we keep attacking… and… fighting is just wrong--”

“Alright!” Eric threw his arms in the air dejectedly. “Fine then you big cry baby. You can just stand there and suck your bloody thumb. I’m off!” He then raced down the grassy path to join in the battle.

Mike was left, alone, dejected, and shaken.

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When Eric was about to join in the battle, he stopped suddenly as he noticed 4 tired looking Pythons lying on the ground, panting and covered in dark bruises. Next to them was a very beaten up Jabberwocky, groaning in a vast amount of pain. It had dropped John unconscious next to it. But it was now regaining its strength and trying to stand up. Once it managed to do so, it grabbed John again and made a move towards the Pythons lying on the ground. But they couldn't do anything, as they were too weak. Eric, at the sight of his friends being in danger, did something very silly. He started shouting at the beast to distract it.

"Hey you stupid bastard. I’m right here come and get me you ugly beast. They're a bunch of corpses, you don't want them!"

“What on earth is he trying to achieve?" Terry griped, still on the ground.

"I have no idea." Answered Gray.

They tried to get up again but still couldn't. The Jabberwocky was now heading towards Eric. It dropped John and was ready to attack when Eric suddenly started singing, "No, I'm not dead yet!" loudly. The beast staggered back in surprise and after a few seconds it fell on the ground trembling. That gave Eric the opportunity to run to the rest of the Pythons and help them up.

"Wow, how the hell did you do that?" asked Gil.

"Yeah it was amazing.” Gray smiled, “I mean you didn't even move your finger and the beast was on the ground!"

"Haha well it was just the ol’ Idle talent working its magic, y’know.” Boasted a very proud Eric, “But no time to brag, we’d better get outta here.”

They all nodded and started to run, when suddenly Gil halted in his tracks.

"C'mon Gil, it's no time for you to rest, we must hurry up!" said Gray.

"I'm not resting you silly sod. We've forgotten John!!" said Gil.

The others glanced at one another and moaned in frustration.

"We have to go back and get him, before anything bad happens!" said Jonesy. They all agreed and turned around. But it was too late. The Jabberwocky had gone and so was John.

“Crap! Now what do we do?” sighed Jonesy.

“Hey, what about Mike? Where is he?” asked Gil.

"He’s stuck behind one of them trees probably talking to himself. He didn't want to help." replied Eric coldly.

“So, we’ve just been out there fighting our butts off whilst he just stands there twiddling his thumbs?!” Jonesy yelled in rage.

Eric snorted, “You’ve nailed it.” He said.

Graham put his hands to his hips.

“I’m having none of that.” He began, “He’s coming to help us, whether he likes it or not. I need a word with him.”

Jonesy, Eric, and Gil nodded in agreement and with that, the 4 remaining Pythons advanced to where Mike was waiting.

“Urm, hey there…” he said timidly, peeking out from behind a large tree “How… did it go…?”

“HOW DID IT GO?!” Eric yelled, his face red raw with fury. “Oh, it went FANTASTICALLY WELL THANK YOU!” He bellowed, with a harsh sarcastic tone, “I mean, that disgusting creature’s flown off and taken John captive but apart from that, IT WAS AN ABSOLUTE DREAM! THANKS FOR YOUR CONTINUED SUPPORT MICHAEL! COULDN’T HAVE DONE IT WITHOUT YOU!”

“Eric… I-“

“Eric’s damn right. You were MEANT to help rescue John. What the hell are you doing here?!” Jonesy growled.

“Quivering like a little baby,” Graham said sharply.

Mike glanced to the floor, and then looked back up at the Pythons, lip quivering.

“Guys… I’m-“

“Pathetic? Yeah we know you are.” Jonesy folded his arms in disgust as he said this.

Mike’s eyes grew large and he started to make short whimpers like a small puppy.

“I’m… s-s-sorry, I just…” He stuttered, eyes beginning to water.

“Awww, does the baby want a diaper change, hmmm?” Gil mocked.

“I let you down s-s-so badly…” He chocked, numerous hot tears racing down his miserable face.

“Got that right, clever dick,” Jonesy rolled his eyes.

“Look I didn’t ask to become some wild killing machine, alright!?” Mike finally managed to blurt out, “I don’t do f-f-fighting bad guys, and I don’t do assassinating m-m-monsters, I just… well, John’s my b-b-best friend, but I-I’d never have the courage to--”

“Bloody hell, stop with the freakin’ waterworks already. You ain’t getting no sympathy off of me.” Eric scoffed, “Brandon’s wrong. HE’S the real Drama Queen here.”

“Do you want some milk, wittle guy,” Gil continued to coo. “Or maybe a dummy to suck on?”

“You’re a fairy! A softie! An introverted little punk!” Jonesy bellowed.

“Enough!” Gray declared, shushing the Pythons up. “Can I say something?” He wandered over to Mike, and placed his hands upon his shoulders, as Mike continued to sob quietly. He smiled warmly and said in a calm voice, “It’ll be best if you just mosey on back to Brandon’s house and have a good old cry to big daddy Ron and say, ‘Waaahhh! Wonny! Uncle Won! My fwiends are picking on meh! Ahehehehhhhhhh!” Gray pulled a mocking face and pranced around all baby-like, as the Pythons threw back their heads and roared in laughter.

At that moment, Mike completely lost it.

“SHUT UP! SHUT UP!” he screamed at them, making them all stop and turn round to face him, amused looks on each of there pretty little faces. “I GET IT ALREADY! I’M JUST A STUPID FLIMSY LITTLE DISGRACE! I LET EVERYONE DOWN! I HATE MYSELF! I DON’T DESERVE TO EVEN LIIIIIIIVE!” And with that he shut his eyes tightly and ran through the woods as far away from the heartless Pythons as physically possible.

“Shit, what have we done?” Graham said, deep anxiety growing on his face.

“Who cares?” Eric groaned at him “We don’t need him, let’s go get John already!” He and the two Terrys decided to follow the tracks that the Jabberwocky had made.

“Woah, hey wait up a second!” Graham came out of his concerned state and ran to follow the gang.

---------------------------------------------

Meanwhile, Mike was rather far away from the Pythons before he stopped by a tree and sat down, burying his head in his knees.

"They're right," he said, "I'm useless. I can't... *sob* can't go on like this. I don't deserve to live." He raised his head and had a maniacal look in his eye. "I'll show them. I'll show them all. I'll kick 'em and tear at 'em." He stopped himself. "No, no. I can't." Mike rubbed his eyes, his head twitched. "I'll tear their fucking heads off!" Oh God, He thought to himself, Am I going mad? All the while he was sitting there someone, or something, was watching him from above. It landed in front of Mike and startled him. The creature was a big black wolf. The wolf lunged at Michael who jumped out of the way. It came at him, and swiped. Mike blocked it and received a large scratch on his arm. It stood for a moment, then changed into big beefy man, looking uncannily like Hugh Jackman.

"Look at you," he said. "Look at what you're becoming, a lousy cry baby. You're supposed to be the Great Grey Wolf, not some whimp. You're nothing but a pansy."

"No I'm not." Mike muttered.

"What did you say?"

"No I'm not!" Mike yelled and lunged at the man, ironically called Hugh. He pinned him to the ground and growled.

"C'mon then," Hugh said. "Show me the wolf you really are. Be as vicious as you like. . . pansy." He threw Mike back up against a tree.

Michael jumped to his feet the moment he hit the tree. He took another lunge at Hugh and scratched him on the chest. Now they started to bite and claw at each other in human form. The fight was almost over when Michael almost killed Hugh. Mike had him pinned to the ground again, with Hugh looking more beat up than Mike.

"You've made your point," he said hoarsely. "Let me go."

Mike did and Hugh changed into wolf form and ran off into the deep woods. After he watched him go, Michael started to feel a little strange. His head was in a tizzy and he had a tingling sensation all over his body. His vision blurred and he could hear his heartbeat rising ever so slowly. A hot searing pain came to his head like someone jab a hot needle into it. He grabbed his and yelled in pain. He felt his bones crack a little and he looked at his arms and saw that some hair was beginning to grow. He struggled to get up and when he did, he jerked his head back and yelled to the sky. His body twitched all over as he could feel his nice side leave and the bad one moving in. When he finally changed he went to the nearest creek and took a look at himself. He looked dirty and not like his nice self, plus one eye was green and the other gold. He felt like a new man.

"Now where are those buddies of mine?" he maniacally asked himself and went off to search for the Pythons.

---------------------------------------------------

Meanwhile, thousands of miles away, the Pythons had caught up with the horrendous Jabberwocky. It was lying asleep on a golden sandy beach, with John wrapped tightly in his arms also asleep.

“Crap! Now how the hell are we supposed ta save him?” Gil said

“Beats me,” Shrugged Terry. “We’re screwed either way.”

“'Either way'?”

“Yeah, if we try to save him, we might wake up the beast and it’ll go all bitchy and probably kill us, or if we leave it alone, it’ll wake up and then fly off somewhere taking John with it.”

Eric sighed deeply. Graham said nothing.

“Dammit, I hate these overly complicated situations.” Gil grumbled.

At the moment the Pythons were situated behind a cluster of large rocks on the beach, not far away from the snoozing Jabberwocky. Eric felt a shiver go down his spine. He shuddered nervously. Graham shot Eric a puzzled look.

“Hey, Idle what’s up?” he whispered.

“I heard something,” He muttered.

“Heard what?”

“Shhh!” He put a finger to his lips. “Listen. Footsteps. The sound of something moving. Very rapidly.”

“I can’t hear a bloody thing. You must be hallucinating.”

“Of course I ain’t hallucinating, jerk.” Eric snapped.

“Hey, quit it lads,” Jonesy said sternly, turning round to face the two. “You gonna wake that freakin’ monster up.”

Eric and Gray exchanged annoyed stares, saying nothing. Jonesy and Gil were currently arguing, I mean, discussing what plan of action they would take to rescue John from the beast’s clutches. Graham rolled his eyes in frustration. Eric just grew even more anxious as the previous noises he ‘heard’ were getting ever so louder and ever so nearer.

“It’s getting closer.” Eric muttered, nervousness increasing.

“What is? Oh no,” Graham groaned, “Don’t tell me your imagining them stupid non-existent noises again.”

“I’m deadly serious.” He replied, half angrily, half fearfully. “Now I can hear growling. Heavy growling. And sniffing. I can hear constant sniffing.”

“Eric! Stop it already,” Graham grumbled, “If your going to keep worrying about this, I’m going to have a smoke.” And with that, Graham stood up, turned round and strolled away.

He turned a corner, and then froze on the spot. His eyes grew wide and his face turned white as a sheet. He opened his mouth to speak; He wanted to shout, but nothing came out. He remained frozen, sheer terror written all over him.

“Ahaha…” a voice sneered. “I’ve hit the jackpot.”

Because there, standing in front of Gray was a evil, dark being, with dark blue tattoos across its entire body, including parts of its face, a deep muscular chest, long fingernails, hairy arms, and a pair of menacing eyes, glaring angrily at him, one green, the other gold.

Gray gulped and said, “M-m-m-m-m-mi-“

In a split second, Gray felt a fist hit his stomach and he cringed to the ground, coughing up blood. The being kicked Gray in the head several times then performed a spinning kick, catapulting Gray up, and up into the air. It proceeded to leap into the air with such agility, took hold of Gray’s collar whilst they were still flying in mid-air and it struck Gray yet again in the stomach, then rained down punch after punch after punch on Gray, screaming madly in a fit of outrage and total insanity. The fiend then delivered the final blow. It clenched its right fist, and it began to glow yellow as a strange electrical current began to form around its fist. The thing let it's arm go and it hit Gray smack bang in the mouth, knocking him unconscious. Gray plummeted to the ground and landed on the soft sand beneath, with broken ribs and a dislocated jaw. All the remaining Pythons froze dramatically as they heard a loud growl coming from behind them. They did not dare turn around, but they just had to see who was making the growling noise. They found a rather muscular being with tattoos. He stood there, his eyes fixed on them in a murderous glare and barred his teeth. The Pythons took a second look at this being and to their shock and horror... it was Michael. And he did not look happy.

"M-m-mike," Eric stuttered, "good... g-good to see you again."

"You stink of fear, all of you," Mike said. "That's good. Cause you're all gonna end up like Graham!"

"What did you--" Gil raised his voice but then brought it back down so he wouldn't wake up the Jabberwocky. "What did you do to him?"

"No need to worry about him. He's having nap time now, so shut your traps and listen to me!" Michael said to them.

Eric moved in to punch Mike, but when Eric swung, Mike caught his fist and punched Eric in the stomach with such force he coughed up blood.
Gil looked down at Eric and then back at Mike and said,

"You bastard." He came at him and Mike shot a ball of electricity at Gil's feet and he jumped back. He yelped loudly and covered his mouth. This woke the Jabberwocky up. It roared in anger of being disturbed and came at the small, stuffy human beings on the ground. But Michael wasn't afraid and shot a lightning bolt from his two fingers and hit the Jabberwocky right between the eyes. It fell down, dead. John woke up and saw that the creature was dead and that a person of beast/man form was hurting the Pythons. He stood up and bended a wave that knocked everyone down. The beast/man shook the excess water off and looked at John. He could see now that the person was Michael.

Why does he look like that? John thought to himself. He then saw Michael throw a bolt at him. John jumped aside and landed on the sand. He looked and saw a pair of feet and then looked up to see Michael glaring at him. Mike bent down to bite him, but Jonesy came up from behind and knocked Michael unconscious. The remaining Pythons came over and looked down at Mike's unconscious body.

"What are we going to do, now?" John asked...

---------------------------------------------

They decided to take Michael back to Brandon's house to see if he could find a way of sorting this out. They began their journey back through Hidan forest, but halfway there, Mike woke up. He awoke slowly and he squinted his eyes at the bright half crescent moon above, which lit up his dark face. He twisted his head round to take in his new leafy surroundings. He could feel his arms being dragged along a soft grassy earth beneath him. Fortunately, or unfortunately depending on how you see it, the Pythons hadn’t noticed that Mike was now wide awake from his deep slumber.

“How long have we got to go already?” moaned the terribly famished John, “My arms are killing me having to pull this 14 stone psycho maniac.”

“Exactly,” Eric sighed, groaning heavily as he pulled on Mike’s right arm, “Since when did Mike get so heavy? He’s probably been snacking on too many of them steak pies from the takeaway. He DOES like to eat.”

"No, its those massive arms of his." John replied, "Have you seen the size of them MUSCLES?!"

“How d’ya think I feel?” Jonesy grumbled, as he had the unfortunate task of having to carry Graham on his back. “Having to carry this big lug on my back. I’m gonna end up with arthritis after this.”

“Ach, stop yer complainin’!” laughed Gil, the only one with two free arms. “We’re virtually here now, just a few more corners to turn and hey presto, it’s Brandon’s house!”

“When did we agree that YOU would be our tour guide?” John said furiously. “We’ve turned about twenty different corners, past the same pink oak tree about 4 times, been bitten by about 30 different species of mosquito and we’ve been walking for way over an hour. You have absolutely no clue in hell of where we are Gil! And you’re a complete lazy ass too.”

Gil stopped in his tracks and turned round to face John who along with the others had also stopped. His icy cold glare met John’s infuriated one. He remained silent.

“Face it, Terry. You’ve got no map, no compass, no nothing. We’re lost, and it’s your fault.”

Gil was about to say something very nasty back to John when he glanced behind them and noticed that Michael was awake and boy did he look pissed.

“Nothing to say, Gil? No fancy comeback line?” John inquired, but was then cut off by a familiar growling noise from behind him.

Eric froze. John cautiously turned his head round to see Mike; his wide, intimidating eyes glaring sinisterly back at him, and mouth hanging open, canines glistening in the moonlight.

“Let… go…” he slowly growled, his voice demonic, his expression dark and evil.

John and Eric immediately let go and jumped back startled. Mike rolled onto his stomach then bounced back up to his feet. He let out a low growl under his breath as he watched each of the 4 Pythons stare back at him in horror.

“Mike?” John whispered, “What the hell happened to-“

“SHUT UP!” he roared. “I’ma gonna rip yer bloody brains out! Say yer prayers, you brainless faggots.”

“Michael! Listen to me a second! Why are you acting like this?” John said in desperation.

“Why would you care, dumbshit?!” he screamed, his claws out ready to lunge at any moment.

“Because, I’m your friend. We’re your friends.”

“Pfft! You takin’ the mick!?” Mike shrieked, “Friends?! A buncha twats is what you are!”

At that moment, Brandon suddenly appeared holding a tranquilliser gun. He shot Mike in the neck; Michael was in mid lunge and he collapsed to the ground.

"There," Brandon said. "That'll hold him. Let's get you guys back to my house."

---------------------------------------------

They proceeded to Brandon's where he found a room for Jonesy to put Graham in. Brandon then turned to the others and pointed to Mike.

"Put that one down in a cage downstairs," he said.

John, Eric, and Gil carried Mike down the hall and went to the basement. Brandon then turned to Jonesy and said,

"Go after them. I'll take care of Gray. I'll be down there in a minute."

Terry nodded and followed the group to the basement. Brandon looked back down at Graham's battered body. He breathed a deep sigh.

"What am I going to do?" he asked himself. He had an idea. He opened Gray's mouth a little and his lips met Gray's. Brandon sucked air and there came a glowing light. He pulled his head away, ever so slowly, sucking out the sickness. When he finished, Brandon started coughing really badly. He took in a deep breath and little gnat things flew out of his mouth.

Graham woke up, asking, "Where am I?"

"You're back in my house," Brandon told him. "The rest are downstairs. Come along."

They both appeared in basement where the Pythons were gathered around a cage with a sleeping Mike in it, or who they think is Michael. He lay in the cage on his back, arms and legs splayed out. Everyone watched as Mike's chest heaved up and down slowly.

"What do you think happened to him?" John asked Brandon.

He only shook his head.

"That I cannot answer," he replied. "His mind and soul seem to be tormented by someone, or something. That is all I know."

Slowly Michael was beginning to wake up. He moaned and rubbed his head. He looked up and his surroundings and saw the Pythons standing there looking at him. Mike jumped to his feet and lunged at them, but he was blocked by the cage walls. He rattled the cage and roared, reaching out to tear at their throats. Mike then began to pace about the cage, hungry, bloodthirsty eyes fixed on the Pythons. He started muttering to himself.

"Big, juicy, meat, tasty, fat, scrumptious, juicy meat, I'll tear ‘em apart, eat their tongues, eyes, throats, hearts, and it's mine. Long pig." His eyes widened and walked about the cage. "Fat, juicy, meaty long pig, ohh yes. Roasted leg, roasted hearts, livers, spleens, and I want it. I WANT IT!" He ended his rant by yelling these last words and curling up, grabbing his head, murmuring. "It's mine, it's mine, it's mine, it's mine, it's mine." He growled and roared as he attempted another lunge at the Pythons. They looked on in horror as they saw their friend going insane and bashing about the cage.

"Isn't there anyway to save him?" Eric asked. Brandon shrugged.

"Who knows," he said. "Our only hope is when Ron wakes up. He's been asleep for a long time now. He should know what to do."

"No, he doesn't know," Mike said hoarsely to them. He came up to the bars. "You think dat crazy perv is gonna save lil ol' me? Pshaw! Think again." He held his hand out and John was dragged over to him. Mike pulled him into the cage somehow and took a large bite out of John's shoulder.

"MIKE, PLEASE!" John yelled in pain. "I'M YOUR FRIEND! I NEVER DID ANYTHING TO YOU!"

"How do yer think I feel?" Mike said to him murderously and took another bite.

Just then Ron appeared in the doorway.

"Hey there laddies! What are you all doing here gathered round that cage for? Did I miss some--" He stopped as his eyes caught the gruesome sight of Mike munching on John's shoulder. "Cor blimey! What's that thing, eating my boy?!" he exclaimed.

Brandon had a surprised look on his face and then he got angry. He ran to Ron and started shaking him violently.

"Where have you been you stupid klutz?! I've been trying to wake you up for hours and hours! We need your help! WTF man?!"

Gray went over to stop Brandon before he attempted to choke Ron.

"Hey, hey calm down for goodness sake! Don't get your panties in a knot." and as he said that Mike, who had left John for a moment to see what was happening, returned to his eating.

John started screaming. "WILL SOMEONE HELP ME!? OH THE PAIN!"

"Right," said Ron "Step back children. It's time for the pros to take charge." and saying this he started his weird dancing again. It was a bit like the fish slapping dance going back and forth to the cage beating the bars with a stick. When he finished the door opened and John magically flew up in the air and out of the cage while Ron hit Mike with the stick so hard that Mike fell unconsious once again (This 'falling to the ground' stuff is getting ever so popular, isn't it?). John landed on his bum painfully and said to Ron, in a grouchy tone of voice,

"So is that all you could do? We wanted you to cure him not to beat him to sleep! That we could do ourselves!"

'Yes but you didn't," Ron snapped, "Moreover I did this to stop him form eating you and besides, now that he's not moving I can more easily go into his mind and see what's wrong with the poor boy. So now all of you shut up and leave me alone to do me job properly!"

The Pythons looked at each other and with their heads lowered, they went upstairs. Brandon however stayed in the room with Ron.

"Ron, please tell me the truth, what's the matter with him? You think someone's controlling him? Maybe the Jabberwocky was just a distraction from the real enemy. But more importantly, IS HE ALRIGHT?" he asked desperately.

"I can't tell Brandon.” Ron replied, in a slightly troubled way. “I really don't know, but I do have some thoughts that will be confirmed as soon as I do my research. So if you please…" he gestured to the staircase and showed Brandon the way out.

Brandon left with a sigh and went up to join the Pythons. Ron then turned to Mike. He went near him and touched his face and markings. Suddenly Mike woke up and grabbed Ron by the hand. He grinned evilly.

“Oh hello there child. Nice to see you awake again.” Ron cheerfully said.

Mike’s grin then vanished. He grabbed hold of Ron’s head and pulled it towards his face so that their eyes were inches away from each other. Ron flinched slightly under Mike’s threatening glare.

“Don’t touch me, you wrinkly old dickweed.” He said, expression unchanged. "You suck your mother's tits at night, fannyflaps." he crudely added.

“Oh now, there’s no need for language like that, lad.” Ron smiled and pinched Mike’s cheek playfully.

Mike growled loudly and roughly pushed Ron away.

“I said, don’t touch me, wanker!” he squealed in his demonic voice.

Ron snorted loudly. “Oooh, I’m so scared of the big beefy monster and his vulgar cursing! Help me! Oh help!” he wailed mockingly, dancing round on the spot.

“SHUT THE HELLA UP YOU PERVERTED PRICK, OR I’LL TEAR YOUR INTESTINES OUT!”

“Oooooh scary! Whatcha gonna do, you big pansy?”

As he heard this, Mike’s face turned a most fiery red, his expression most terrifying. His tattoos began to glow, like they were singeing his skin, and now they covered his entire anatomy. His muscles twitched and grew larger, his bones cracking under the intense strain. His canines grew even bigger, his hair grew longer, and three purple tails burst out of his back. Ron ignored him and then knelt to the ground, hands together, eyes closed tightly. Mike’s green and gold eyes began to cloud over and both eyes turned a very dark purple. He let out a most blood curdling of screams and ran mercilessly at Ron. “Gotcha.” Ron said, and snapped opened his eyes and locked onto Mike’s. Mike stopped suddenly. An extraordinary psychic current was coming from Ron’s body, making its way through Ron’s line of vision and hitting Mike’s eyes. Ron stepped up from his knelling position and made his way slowly to Mike, who was now seated on the floor panting heavily, his eyes still locked with Ron’s.

“Get… away from… m-me… stinkin’ peado…” Mike stammered in agony.

Ron cautiously placed his warm hands onto Mike’s distorted face. “Get out of the boy, vicious demon!” He shouted loudly.

“Never, Faraday. You can’t make me!” Replied Mike furiously.

“Oh yes I can, Demon Ulmer.”

Ron chanted an eerily spell and Mike screamed in agony, sparks of electric and deep red flames enveloping him. Ron cringed in pain, as he watched a horrible purple gas seep out of Mike’s open mouth. Ron gritted his teeth as he used all his might to extract the demon from Mike’s body. Mike continued crying out as his muscles were slowly decreasing in size, his markings were disappearing and his purple eyes were changing back to gold, then green then back to hazel. Ron let out a loud cry, then fell to ground exhausted. He simply wasn’t strong enough. The purple gas went back into Mike’s mouth as he too fell to the floor exhausted.

Shit! That demon was way too strong! He thought, kicking himself mentally. I failed! Dammit! OK, calm down Ronald. We can work through this. I’ll just have to try and think of a plan to place the demon in quarantine whilst inside the kid’s body, so that it won’t escape again. When Ron finally got his breath back, he crawled over to Mike. He was covered in burn marks and bruises, and his arms were caked in blood. He had his hands over his eyes and was sobbing in dire pain.

“Open you eyes, son.” Ron whispered softly.

Mike shook his head.

“I-I-I… I can’t…” he stuttered, “They… hurt so baaad…”

Ron moved one of Mike’s hands from his eyes and he could see where Mike was coming from. Ron groaned in disgust, as he saw that his face was terribly beaten up, his eyelids were severely bruised and his tears were red. He was crying blood.

“Oh dear Lord!” yelled Ron and quickly ran up the staircase to find the others. They were waiting just outside the door.

"You must come and see," Ron said excitedly. "Something has happened to the poor boy."

They all rushed back downstairs to see a badly bruised, singed, and bloody Michael cringing on the floor in pain. But the first thing they noticed were his eyes, those bloody tears streaming down his face.

"Holy crap." John whispered.

"What's happened to him?" Eric asked.

"He has a demon in him, that's what the matter," Ron replied. "I tried all I could to drive the demon out, but I wasn't strong enough. There has to be some other way. Why tears of blood, I do not know."

"Supposing he has a stigmata?" Gil asked. They looked at him. "Just a suggestion."

"That might well be, but I need to keep the demon at bay somehow," Ron said coming back into the cage. He bent down and stroked Mike's face ever so gently. "There, there, m'boy. It'll be all right."

Mike whimpered.

"Everyth-thing... h-h-hurrts... s-s-sso badly," he moaned and curled up in agony.

"Ssshhh, ssshhh. It's all right. Just sleep it off," Ron told him. "Just close your eyes and sleep." Ron waved his hand in front of Mike's face and Mike fell asleep. Ron stepped out of the cage and sighed heavily. Eric and the others, except John, felt bad for themselves. They made Michael like this after what they did.

"We have to confess," Eric said. "We blame ourselves for putting Mike into this awful state. We were just poking fun at him for not helping us fight the Jabberwocky. We called him a cry baby, and what not. We were so angry at him for not--" He couldn't go on talking and started to sob. Gray put an arm around Eric's shoulders.

"It's true," Graham said. "We were mad at him for not helping and we made him angry."

"I don't think you can blame yourselves for that," Ron said. "Well, except for making him angry, thus triggering the demon. The only thing we need to do now is to give him some time to rest. We all need it. Let's go night-night."

"What about the demon?" Gil asked. "Won't he be the one awake while Mike's sleeping?"

"No need to worry about that, child," Ron said. "They're both asleep. Trust me."

At that they all went upstairs to sleep. But back down in the basement, the lights flickered up above. Mike's hand twitched a little and the room was complete pitch black for one second, then they came back on. Demon Ulmer was not sleeping. He telepathically called to John in Mike's voice.

"Did you hear this?" said John to the others.

"What?” said Ron.

“I think Mike called my name and he told me to go downstairs."

"But that's not possible," said Ron suspiciously, "I mean I put him to sleep there's no way he woke up. And even if he did he's too weak to speak so loud. Plus I didn't even hear anything in the first place.”

"What are you suggesting?" asked Gray "you think it's the demon?"

"Could be.” answered Ron.

"Oh no what are we going to do now?” moaned John.

"You, nothing. Me and Brandon however are going to go downstairs and see what's the matter. But first we need to be properly equipped." replied Ron.

Brandon nodded and they got up. The Pythons followed curious to see the equipment. Ron and Brandon arrive at a secret room. The door of the room was made of steel and as they got in they found all sorts of anti demon stuff like transmuting circles, salt and special books etc.

"What is this place?” asked Jonesy looking all excited and impressed and so were the others.

"Well this is a special room Brandon has and here is where you are going to wait for us to return. It's the safest room in the house. Now Brandon let's take our stuff and get going." said Ron nervously.

And so they did. They took some white chalk, some salt and some talismans and went to find Mike down to the basement.
Just before they opened the door Brandon stopped and said

”Here... I smell something.”

Ron sniffed and agreed,

"You're right. I smell… sulphur! We'd better be careful."

And with these words they busted the door open and got in only to find Mike sleeping like a baby. They approached him carefully. Ron then started drawing a circle on the floor with the chalk but before he finished Brandon left an agonizing scream and by the time Ron turned he saw Mike holding poor Brandon with his hands around his neck looking at him evilly.

"So what yer gonna to do, fishface?" Mike chuckled, "An exorcism?! Don't make me laugh! You won't get rid of me so easily, now I have your friend. If you dare to do any sort of spell, he's gone."

Ron, looking extremely calm for someone in such a terrible state, answered, "And what can I do for you then, you disgusting demon?"

Mike smiled and gave his reply.

"Haha! You stupid prat. Say whatever you want, but soon you will be moaning for your little friends. Remember my words. Oh and since I mentioned them why don't you call ‘em all down here? We can have a little party. Go on, call them then.”

Ron remained silent for a while.

What is this lunatic planning to do? If I called the Pythons down there he would destroy them in a second. But then again they were very strong themselves and perhaps they could be of some assistance.

"Well? Are you going to tell them to join us or not? Hurry up, I'm waitin', you old prune." said Mike impatiently.

Ron had made his decision. He went to the door and shouted,

"FELLAS! WILL YOU COME DOWN HERE FOR A MOMENT? I NEED YOUR HELP!"

In the room the Pythons were talking about the events of the day, when Eric suddenly perked up, raising both eyebrows.

"Hey I think I heard Ron calling for us." He said.

"Oh not this again. Eric, I think you need you ears examined or something.” said Gray, rolling his eyes.

Eric gave him an angry look then continued.

“Honestly! He asked for our help. He said we should go down with him, I’m sure. I'm telling you he needs us!”

"Ok, calm down Idle. You sure about this?” inquired John.

“Dead sure.” Replied a confident Eric.

“A’right. Let’s get going then.”

Gray let out a deep sigh, and muttered something under his breath. They all made their way down several corridors and staircases till they reached the basement. Ron approached the five.

“I’ve got an idea,” Whispered Ron, turning his head round to see Mike eyeing him suspiciously. Ron looked back at him, gave a sly smirk, then turned back round again. “You see that circle I’ve drawn on the floor? It’s known as the Circle of Sheol. It is used to suppress and/or extract evil spirits from possessed individuals, and cast their souls into the depths of Sheol so that they never come back. But since our Demon Ulmer’s a strong little chap, we can only suppress and imprison him inside of Michael for now. So, our only task is to try and put him in the middle of that circle.”

“How the hell we supposed ta pull that off?” John whispered.

“Don’t panic. I have a plan. I’ll do most of the hard work, you just have to follow my signals.” He gave John a cheeky wink.

John looked back puzzled. Ron muttered something to each of the Pythons, after that he said something into Eric’s ear. Then, in full view of everyone, including Mike, Ron forced his hand down Eric’s mouth and pulled out his heart. Eric’s eyes rolled back into his head and he fell to the floor, dead… at least that’s what Mike thought was happening. Ron clicked his fingers and the remaining Pythons fell into a deep sleep on the floor.

“Oh my darling demon of mine?” Ron called, in his girly voice.

“What d’ya want, dickhead?” Mike grumpily replied, glaring back at him with those monstrous gold/green eyes.

“Look what I have for you. A nice juicy raw heart of Eric.”

Mike’s eyes lit up immediately at the sight of the succulent heart of Eric. He smirked evilly and licked his lips.

“Gimme, gimme!” he said excitedly, “Gimme that heart, you dipshit!”

“Calm down, you dastardly creature.” Ron replied, laughing slightly, walking over to him. He stopped in front of Mike, Brandon still stuck in-between his arms. “Could you let go of Brandon first? I think your choking him.”

Mike looked down at Brandon, as his face was turning blue whilst frantically fighting to get free from Mike’s grasp.

“Ok fine,” He said and let go, “Now gimme that heart now, bitchtits!” He shouted impatiently.

Ron gave him the ‘heart’, to which Mike snatched it off of him and chomped at it hungrily, muscle fluid oozing down his chin as he bit into it. Once finished, he burped loudly.

“Ah, delicious!” He chuckled. “Compliments to the chef.”

Ron looked on smiling to himself.

“What? What’s so funny, asshole?”

“Your such a complete dumbass.” Ron grinned, “I can’t believe you fell for it.”

Mike furrowed his brow in confusion, then to his bewilderment and anger he saw Eric get up, seemly unharmed, and so did the other Pythons. Ron continued,

“That wasn’t heart of Eric. It was all an illusion. As soon as a made eye contact with you, I used my last remaining powers to send messages to your brain, confusing it and in turn making your eyes think that I really did kill Eric.”

Mike continued to look at him perplexed. “So what the hell have I just eaten?!” he questioned irritably, uneasiness growing on him.

“Ah, that was infact a Saint Benedict medal, wrapped in red cloth soaked in holy water and a very mild application of chloroform.”

As he said this, Mike’s eyes began to grow heavy, and he was having terrible trouble keeping awake.

“But since you have a very enhanced sense of smell, that little dosage was all I needed.”

Mike gritted his teeth. “I’m so gonna tear you limb from limb, WRINKLED BASTARD! …” His speech began to slur under the chloroform’s effects “Then I’ll… I’ll chew yerrrr eyeballs and… snap… yerrrr peeenis…” His eyelids got the better of him, as they closed over his weary eyes and he drifted off to sleep.

“That’s our cue lads!” Ron announced to the 5 Pythons, “Get to your positions around the circle’s circumference. Brandon, help me carry him!”

The Pythons all knelt down in their allocated positions on the circle and placed their hands on top of the drawing. Brandon helped Ron drag Mike over to the circle. Ron ordered Brandon to tie Mike’s hands to the ground. Ron got another piece of cloth and tied it round Mike’s head, blindfolding him.

“Sorry Mike, my boy,” Ron muttered “This is going to be quick, however your gonna suffer a hell of a lot of pain. I know you’ve been through so much already, but as this is an emergency I’ve got no choice.”

Ron explained to Brandon his plan of action. Brandon heard this, nodded his head then situated himself between Jonesy and Graham and placed his hands upon the circle. They were all sat alphabetically according to surname, except Ron who was sat about a metre away in front of Brandon, in one of the inner most circles. Mike was lying in the middle, hands chained up to a hook on the floor, blindfolded and fast asleep.
Ron then spoke up.

“Right then everyone,” He began, “As soon as the boy shows any sign of waking up, you each channel your powers through your arms, into your hands, then that will travel along the circle’s marks and directly into his body. This will provide enough strength to suppress the demon deep inside his soul, and it will also form a defensive barrier around it that will prevent the demon from escaping.”

“Will Mike be OK?” Gil asked.

“I think he should pull through, but I’m not guaranteeing anything.”

They waited… and waited… and waited some more, for Mike to wake up.

---------------------------------------------

It had been two hours before Jonesy noticed one of Mike's hands twitch. Then a groan came.

"He's waking up!" Jonesy cried out.

"Get ready everyone!" Ron yelled. "Channel your powers now!"

Everyone closed their eyes and focused. A glowing light came from their hands and followed along the circles marks. Mike was beginning slowly to get up, but as soon as the light touched him, he froze. His face then began to grimace, and Mike started making groans of pain. His head jerked backwards, then sideways, then backwards again. His muscles bulged as he pulled at the bonds. Michael yelled and screamed in agony, with howls of pain. He jerked and twitched, cracking was heard, and a rather loud growl came out of his mouth. Then a deep, long howl followed. So much screaming and pain made the Pythons look away. This was actually happening. This was no Hollywood movie. This was real. Mike's tattoos began to singe his skin. His head snapped back and he started to get a nosebleed, blood also started to seep out from all the pressure that's upon him. He let out a bloodcurdling scream that lasted for a very long time. The Pythons just wanted to get up and leave, they couldn't take it anymore, but they had to save their friend. Ron was kneeling when he started to speak in Latin. He said this:

"Excorizamus te, omnis immundus spiritus, omnis satanica potestas, omnis incursio infernalis adversarii, omnis legio, omnis congregatio et secta diobolica... Humiliare sub potenti manu Dei; contremisce et effuge, invocate a nobis sanctoet terribili nomine... quem inferni tremut, in nomine et virtute Domini Nostri Jesu. Amen."

This was the final blow to poor Michael. Within an instant, he let out one final scream before a black smoke came out of his mouth. The smoke dispersed and vanished. The demon was gone. Michael fell to the floor. Everyone got up, but Ron held them back.

"Let me check on the boy," he told them. He slowly approached Mike's burned and bruised body. Ron removed the blindfold, revealing two hazel/green eyes staring straight out and tears of blood streaming down his face. Ron sensed something was wrong and held his ear against Michael's mouth. He had a puzzled look on his face and checked Mike's heartbeat. He couldn't believe it. He looked up to the Pythons to reveal the awful truth.

"He's dead."

Can you handle a part 6? Ok:-
http://pythonline.com/media/full-version-epic-monty-python-fanfic-part-vi