oh what to do?

another discussion who has nothing whatsoever to do with python, but I have to get it out and I see you guys as my friends who can give me advice.

I am now in a situation that makes me feel like the song above.
ints my first love, my childhood that turned into teenage-love, and one of the 3 boys I can say Ive been truely in love with.

I was in love with him on and off for a period of 15 years. we never were a real couple but we sure did do things that would make my brothers (they were best friends and my brother is VERY protective of me) hair curl if he knew about it.

the whole thing ended for good when I was 18 and met my first girlfriend. I didnt think so far that he may have been in love back (I never think anyone in their right mind coud love me) so had no idea I broke his heart, and he started using more hard drugs than just the alcohol and occantional spliff.

now he has started reaching out tome again, dont know if its midlife crisis starting early (he is 39) or if it is real. and as much as I remember all the good times, watching movies holding hands under the banket so no one could see, snogging in the woods, or just partying or just sitting around drinking tea or talking, Im afraid it will end up bad. that we will hurt eatchother (even if I am biemotional Im homosexual, so no sex is even to think about and that might hurt his ego) and knowing him taking to hard liqour and drugs when things go bad, and me, when Im sad my eating-disorders, self-cutting, self-buring and just self-puniching comes back.
and I dont want that.

but I miss him. and soon we will ive in the same town again. what to do?

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Holly: that's a tough situation. I wish I could help, but I'm terrible w/ relationships. The only thing I could think of to tell him up front what you're worries are & hopefully you could work out something.

mrsCutout: Oh my seems like you've got a real problem here! :( Didn'[t you guys kept conatct at all? It would be good if you called and aks how he's doing and then go visit! This is always better than ignoring just face it...and try to be honest with him about everything! Well not much of an advice but that's what i suppose i would do if I were you...

the_thina at 4:36 am March 26

yeah.but Iknow I cant resist his puppydog-eyes and his smile. and his personality (hippie) he always makes me laugh, and before I know it Im in a hug that becomes a kiss and here we go again. how can something feel so right, but be so wrong? for I know we are very wrong to eatch other. we are like 2 batteries when you try to put to + together. damn!

thewastelandr at 10:43 am March 26

If you know you two are wrong for each other, then you should cut it off completely. Even entertaining the notion of dating each other will cause pain to one or both of you. In my opinion, why waste time on a relationship with someone that will go nowhere?

the_thina at 3:19 pm March 26

yeah I know. but my first romantic even sensual memories... all with him. its those memories and the feeling of how happy I was that messes it up for me I think. ike the first time he aske me for a kiss, butterflies in the stomach even for a quick peck on the cheek. stuff like that. thats what makes it so hard

thewastelandr at 4:16 pm March 26

Yes, I understand completely, but memories sometimes need to stay memories. Things are rarely the same on the second go.

mrsCutout at 1:35 pm March 26

Well there is this option too but form what i understood you don't realy wanna cut off do you? Can't you tell 'im that you can stay just friends???

the_thina at 3:21 pm March 26

no I dont want to cut it off completely. he is still a very nice and extremely funny firend. its just that longing/horror that it might go furter that makes me sick to my stomach and full of happyness at the same time. my mind says "stop! are you insain?" my body says "but he is so soft and cuddely" and... you can work the rest out