The Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch

LAUNCELOT:
We have the Holy Hand Grenade.
ARTHUR:
Yes, of course! The Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch! 'Tis one of the sacred relics Brother Maynard carries with him! Brother Maynard! Bring up the Holy Hand Grenade!
MONKS: [chanting]
Pie Iesu domine, dona eis requiem. Pie Iesu domine, dona eis requiem. Pie Iesu domine, dona eis requiem. Pie Iesu domine, dona eis requiem.
ARTHUR:
How does it, um-- how does it work?
LAUNCELOT:
I know not, my liege.
ARTHUR:
Consult the Book of Armaments!
BROTHER MAYNARD:
Armaments, chapter two, verses nine to twenty-one.
SECOND BROTHER:
And Saint Attila raised the hand grenade up on high, saying, 'O Lord, bless this Thy hand grenade that, with it, Thou mayest blow Thine enemies to tiny bits in Thy mercy.' And the Lord did grin, and the people did feast upon the lambs and sloths and carp and anchovies and orangutans and breakfast cereals and fruit bats and large chu--
MAYNARD:
Skip a bit, Brother.
SECOND BROTHER:
And the Lord spake, saying, 'First shalt thou take out the Holy Pin. Then, shalt thou count to three. No more. No less. Three shalt be the number thou shalt count, and the number of the counting shall be three. Four shalt thou not count, nor either count thou two, excepting that thou then proceed to three. Five is right out. Once the number three, being the third number, be reached, then, lobbest thou thy Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch towards thy foe, who, being naughty in My sight, shall snuff it.'
MAYNARD:
Amen.
KNIGHTS:
Amen.
ARTHUR:
Right! One!... Two!... Five!
GALAHAD:
Three, sir!
ARTHUR:
Three!
[angels sing]
[boom]
________________________________________

Here is a link to the Wikipedia article on the HHGA (including Buffy (The Vampire Slayer) and the vampire, Spike, using HHGAs) - en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Holy_Hand_Grenade_of_Antioch

Here is photographic evidence of Brother Maynard, and the existence of The Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch www.flickr.com/photos/robert-p/129240220 and www.pbase.com/littlekc/holy_handgrenade

Here’s a site that has the entire script of scene 21 (which is the only scene in which Brother Maynard appears) - www.mwscomp.com/movies/grail/grail-21.htm

0 votes
0
Login to post comments

Comments

BroMaynardG: Myanmar!

BroMaynardG at 5:31 am October 11

I have not checked the links, but my Goer says I have to feed the aminals (5 dogs - Rusty, George, Coco, Lucie and Little Bit; and 3 cats - Boomer, Gizmo, and Tommy [tommy is blind but the wife and the daughter would not let me call him "Blind Pew"]).

Yellowbeard! Aaaaargh!

Go Away Spammers | We Have All The Spam We Can Eat | Don’t Try Selling Us Any Goat-Hair Beards

Sukhoipython: One, Two, FIVE!!!....Three sir...THREE!!!
funny

BroMaynardG at 1:05 pm October 01

Count Sukhoipython! (He who Likes to Count!)

(Can I do that John Cleese, Esq.?
Or, is it a copyright infringement on "Count Count" of Sesame Street?)